I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst kind.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a type-O.
We are going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.
I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
How about the guy who lost his job at the orange juice factory because he couldn’t concentrate?
And there was the inspector who lost her job at the m&m factory because she kept rejecting all the w&w’s.
Broken pencils are really pointless.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? The saurus.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
All the toilets in New York ‘s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!